Elfin Artemis
by FalconHalo
Summary: Artemis is now an elf! how will he cope with this, and more importantly, what madness will come of it? set just after Time Paradox, i had a lot of fun writing this! AU, rated for swearing and possible violoence in future chapters
1. Not Human Anymore

**First Artemis Fowl fic, please review!**

**No Longer a Human**

**Fowl Manor, present**

Artemis staggered into the main hall, looking and moving as though he were thoroughly drunk.

He then decided that with what he had just been through, he deserved to be.

Artemis sighed, recalling the events that had led to this.

**Haven, three years ago**

"DIE, MUD BOY! DIE AND STAY DEAD!"

Opal Kobai shot Artemis with the softnose rifle three more times before she was tackled by LEP officers.

Artemis had been going to visit Holly in a park when Kobai had charged around the corner with murder in her eyes, and a lethal looking rifle in her hands.

She no longer cared what happened to her, as long as she murder the one that had thrown her down time and again.

Every time, every time she tried to rise again, all her careful planning, all her schemes to get back into power… he was always there to reduce them to nothing yet again!

Well, now she only wanted one thing. And that was Artemis Fowl II, dead.

Artemis reeled back in shock, blood pouring down his front from the four large holes in his torso.

Holly ran up, drawn by the gunshots. She froze in disbelief as she saw Artemis, then picked him up with difficulty and lumbered off to Foaly's booth.

About halfway there, she met Butler, who, being a fiercely loyal bodyguard to the end, had been tailing Artemis. He immediately grabbed Artemis from her, and heaven help anyone in his way.

**Haven medical center, emergency room, three minutes after Artemis was shot**

Foaly was frantic, trying to think of a way to save Artemis. With a large amount of magic from No.1, his wounds had been closed, but it simply wasn't enough.

Butler was just as frantic, and trying to get Foaly to think faster.

"you claim to be the best inventor the people have ever had, don't you have _anything_ that will work?"

"w-well, there is one way, b-but it's very dangerous, a-and he won't be the same-"

"DO IT NOW! HE'LL DIE ANYWAY IF YOU DON'T!"

Foaly flinched, paling. Domovai Butler, enraged and screaming at you, was truly terrifying.

"a-alright, I'll do it, I'll do it! Hey, useless, get over here and help me!"

A trembling sprite ran over, and helped heave Artemis into a strange tube.

Foaly ran off with a vial of Artemis's blood as the tube was filled with a strange gel-like substance.

**Two hours later**

"just what are you doing, Foaly?"

"making a new body for Artemis. He's been put in stasis for now."

"new body?"

"yes. His current one is too damaged to be used, and the process is possible due to us having No.1, but there is a catch. Several, actually."

"I'm listening…"

"for one thing, it will take three years to fully develop the body to Artemis's age in fairy years."

"wait, fairy years?"

"that's the second one. The only body we can grow quickly enough to save Artemis is an elf one. Anything else, and he'll die before it is complete. Stasis can only do so much. The third catch is that the brain transfer might not be successful."

"and this is his best option?"

"without a doubt."

"I guess I'm in for a wait, then."

**Exactly three years later**

Artemis woke slowly. He felt incredibly weak, and there were blurred shapes above him. He could barely make out what they were saying.

"…transplant…successful…hey…waking up…"

"Artemis…there…can…hear…Artemis?"

"…up…come on…awake?"

His eyes finally focused, revealing Foaly, Holly, No.1, and Butler standing above him.

Foaly spoke, Artemis's hearing restored.

"he's alive! It worked! It actually worked!"

Butler and Holly glanced at him.

"I'm a little worried at how relieved you sound, Foaly. Didn't you expect it to work?"

"not really. I'm giving him the sedative, he needs to rest."

**One hour later**

Artemis walked upstairs to his room, still not really believing what had happened.

He had been shot, put in stasis for three years, and now he was an elf.

He then groaned, realizing that the worst was yet to come.

He would have to explain it to his parents.

**I loved writing this! Please, please, **_**please**_** review, there will be free cookies if you do!**


	2. Coping

**Here is the second chapter! I'm sorry for disabling the anonymous reviews, but I sometimes like to respond to them. anyways, on with chapter two!**

**Coping**

**Fowl Manor, the morning after**

Artemis woke, feeling terrible. He couldn't remember anything he had done recently. He wondered if he was hung over.

He swung his legs out of bed, not noticing that they were an earthy brown instead of the usual deathly white.

He walked past a mirror, glanced in it, and froze in midstep. He gazed at his reflection in shock. He was just over four feet, his skin was brown, his ears… they were pointed!

In a flood, Artemis remembered that he was an elf now.

Then a thought hit him. He had been about 14, which in elf ears - er, years - was 78.

"OH GOD, I'M OLD!"

**20 minutes later, the dining room**

"Artemis, you need to tell them."

"Shut up, Butler. I'm trying to figure out just how to do that."

"Well, do it fast, I'm calling them."

"NO, BUTLER, NO! DON'T GO TOWARDS THE INTERCOM!"

"I MUST, ARTEMIS!"

**2 minutes later**

Artemis Fowl senior, along with Angeline Fowl, walked down the stairs.

"what were all those thumping noises?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Fowl, please listen."

Artemis Fowl senior frowned. The last time he had heard Butler use that tone was when he was advising him not to go to Russia to sell the coke.

"What is it?"

"…it's Artemis…"

"what? He's alright isn't he?"

"yes, but he's not quite the same… look, he hasn't been in America for the last three years. He been in stasis."

"stasis?"

"yes."

Butler explained what had happened to them.

"so… your saying our son is now some pointy eared, midget creature."

"he's still trying to adjust. Be gentle with him. Artemis, come on in."

He slowly walked into view, ignoring his parents' astonished expressions.

"Arty… you're- you're an-"

"elf. I'm still getting used to it."

"Artemis, why did you get yourself shot?"

"Nice to see you too! Be sensitive! I've been shot, put in stasis, and put in an elfin body. I've missed out on the past three years of my life, and worst of all, I'VE HARDLY USED ANY WORDS MORE THAN THREE SYLLABLES SINCE I WOKE UP!"

**Hey, I need you to listen closely. I am locked in this concrete room, you have to help me. Push that button in the middle of the screen under this message and leave a review. It should open the door.**


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